The phone rang. It was Awesome Single Paul. He asked what we were doing that night and arrangements were made. Jana and I were both fucked money-wise but you have to go out from time to time and do these things. I drove. This becomes important later.

We went to Awesome Single Paul's upscale condo on Water Street. I parked in front of his building and we buzzed up. I had a beer or two at Paul's, then he drove to Patty's Irish Pub. I started drinking coffee. It was raining out and I was the designated driver. The coffee tasted good and the company was good and the rain outside was good.

Around 1:00am we drove back to Paul's place. He parked in the garage. We said our goodbyes and took the elevator down to the lobby. As I walked out the front door something felt wrong.

A light blue late eighties to early nineties Honda Civic was parked across the street. I heard a door close and the car took off as quickly as a shitty riced out little piece of fucking shit little fucking shit car can take off. I knew something wasn't right. And no, I didn't get the plate.

My driver's side window was broken in two large pieces and lying on the ground. I said "no fucking way" and got in the car to see what was up. The plastic surrounding my steering wheel was broken and lying on the floor of the car. My ignition was hanging down near my knees - the metal casing cracked and broken. I called the police and described the car. They said they'd send someone over.

We called Awesome Single Paul With the Nice Upscale Condo and Steady Job and No Homocidial Tendancies and All Around Great Personality and Character and he came downstairs. We stood in the rain for a few minutes. I was expecting a swat team and helicopters to appear immediately, search lights playing across the streets looking for that ugly fucking piece of junk civic. No. We went inside.

About an hour later I called the police again. I tried to send Paul and Jana upstairs while I waited but they both refused to go. Half an hour later Paul went upstairs and cooked some tacitos and petite quiche. He brought them downstairs in a big bowl, which we put over the opening on the top of a garbage can. He brought lawn chairs and we sat, eating tacitos and talking about how long this was taking. I watched the rain hit the pavement and thought about it getting into my car.

I debated trying to start it and move it, but what if the cops needed the crime scene undisturbed to check for DNA and fingerprints? Right.

Around 4:00 or 4:30 the cop car showed up. The police officer shined his light into my car and said "yep". Then we got in the car to make the report. I sat in the back - my first time in the back of a Milwaukee Squad Car. The seat was hard and very uncomfortable since the back slopes down to allow room for handcuffed hands.

"This happened at 1:15?" he asked. I said "yes", not wanting to be an asshole about the long wait. While I was sitting there I heard calls coming over the radio - "There's about thirty people fighting now" - "He says he has a gun and is going to kill her". He finished the report and I tried to start my car. It worked. I said thank you to the officer and he drove off with his lights going. I parked in Paul's garage and we slept on his futon.

The next day I drove it home and taped up the window untill I could get it fixed. Monday I called the insurance company.