'Standing on the polished floor between the wireless department and the Geek Squad repair center, Josh Solomon begins his workday. Knees bent slightly inside pressed khakis, he slaps his palms on his thighs seven times, then claps seven times. He rises up, clenches his fists in the air, and bellows "Best!" Three more slaps on the thighs, three claps. "Buy!". Solomon builds to a crescendo of one slap, one clap, and "Best Buy, Best Buy, whoa, Best Buy!"'

I can vouch for this dispicable behavior, although the Best Buy I worked at did not partake in this particular ritual. The store manager at the Best Buy I worked at used to be in the military so our stupid shouting sessions consisted of him yelling "STOOORE" like a short, bald drill sargenet, and then we were supposed to yell "44!" I didn't yell anything. I find things like that degrading and stupid. Best Buy STOOORE 44 also had a tradition of making new hires sing "I'm a little Tea-pot" in front of everyone. There I was, 24 years old making 10.25 an hour (part time) mouthing the words to "I'm a little tea pot" lacadaisically while I imagined death lasers shooting from my eyes and slicing everyone in half and torrents of blood shooting everywhere. This isn't about my money situation but I can tell you that my other job pays significantly more than 10.25 an hour and they don't ever try to make me humiliate myself. I'm not saying I never do, but there isn't a culture of humiliation - there's a culture of drinking a lot.

Here's more from the article:

'"Hello, my name is Josh", Solomon says, shaking the hand of a woman gazing at an array of digital camcorders. "what brings you in today?" The smartly dressed woman tells him she's just looking. "Well, are you looking to buy or looking to shop?" Solomon responds brightly. "We're non-commissioned; I don't get paid on what you buy today. If you don't mind, can I ask you a few questions?"

The article goes on to describe CARE Plus, which is Best Buy's strictly enforced sales method. C is contact, A is ask questions, R is recommend, and E is encourage. Basically it's a formula for hastling people. When a Best Buy associate asks you if you mind if they ask you a few questions, just say no.

The thing that I marvelled at while I worked there is that the sales people aren't on commission, yet they are forced to hard-sell people as if they were. It's the culture there. The sales people are either morons who buy into the Best Buy bullshit or they're too timid or eager to please to reject the Best Buy bullshit. Or they need the job too badly, or maybe they don't want to be hassled by asshole managers.

I've told this story before, but here it is again. The sales managers in the computer department at Best Buy Store 44 on Bluemound Road in Brookfield, WI are huge, magnificent assholes. They were named "Nick" and "Izzy". If you go in just be rude to them because they're mean, rude people themselves. At this point, you're probably thinking I'm just saying that because they yelled at me or I didn't like them, boo fucking whoo. Seriously, they are stupendous pricks. They are perfect for their position because they enjoy taking advantage of people. One day I was working on the sales floor. I was a technician and I wasn't really supposed to sell computers to people but I kind of did it anyway. I was talking to a guy and he was in a hurry and he told me he didn't want anything else. He was a nice, normal guy who obviously wasn't a moron. I offered him the usual Best Buy shit and he refused so I checked his ass out (that didn't come out right - I mean I rang up his purchase) and sent him on his way.

And oh man, did I get in trouble. They acted like I had just emptied the safe and sent him on his way with every last cent the Best Buy corporation had. "Never again" they said, and I pictured those "9/11 Never Forget" posters with the crying bald eagle. It was great because he was really pissed off. I'm not telling this story to illustrate how I was persecuted; my point is that if a sales person there sells you exactly what you came in for they will get in trouble, and some people actually give a fuck about not getting in trouble.

Anyway, you wouldn't believe some of the shit I heard these assholes say. My favorite quote, which wasn't from either of them, was a manager on the phone with a cashier. "I don't care if they don't want it (the service plan), make them stand there as long as it takes".

Back to my article:

"The staff isn't paid more for stuff like that (chasing people down in the parking lot to sell them a service plan. I'm not kidding, that's really what the article was referring to when they said 'like that'). But Best Buy is expert at finding ways to motivate - and retain - people through means other than pay.

When someone gets something right, for instance, the whole store hears about it. In Minnetonka, a well-executed sale prompts a Code 4. All the blueshirts stop and applaud the sales associate. In Coon Rapids, it's the "five-clapper", five staccato claps from the store's general manager and whoever else is in range. Solomon likes to yell "Boom" over the intercom when his department pulls off a sweet sale."

What. The. Fuck? That boggles my mind. I can't fathom being an employee making minimum wage (or close to it) and feeling motivated by some assholes clapping. Best Buy's entire fucking motivational force is based on bellowing and carrying on like half-wit assholes at a pep rally, which explains why most of their employees have the mentality of stupid 15 year-olds.

I'm not sure about you, but if I were a customer and some fuckstick just sold me an extra 500 bucks worth of shit I didn't need and then got on the intercom like a jackass and yelled "BOOM!" I would probably throw napalm on their fucking face.

And never, ever, ever sign up for their horrible credit card. Look into it if you're even thinking about signing up. Household Retail Service Best Buy Card. They're supposed to offer you a service plan, Internet Access of various types, the Best Buy Card, Rhapsody, NetFlix, and magazine subscriptions on top of the other shit they're going to try to sell you. That's a lot of shit.