Having worked in two retail stores and been a customer at countless others, I've come to the realization that to sell people things you have to dominate not only the conversation but the other person's personality. In essence, to be a good salesperson, you have to be an asshole. There are exceptions to this rule, however selling things is an exercise in manipulating others to your will.

As a customer you have few options to protect yourself from the overbearing salesperson. The obvious is to take the dominant role in the transaction right away, basically being the bigger asshole. Many people (myself included) lack the personality traits to even attempt to "out asshole" a salesperson so we often find ourselves bullied into purchases, intimidated, and generally trodden upon by the sales juggernaut.

However, I hope to provide you with the tools necessary to defend yourself in other ways. I considered charging a fee for this guide. It is really an entire self-help philosophy condensed down in an easy to read, mildly offensive diary entry. This is why I ask you to send donations if my system works for you. Contact me for information about where to send the money.

I will be offering a specific example in this guide, however the overall strategy that I am advocating is expandable to any situation and totally flexible. I have found much success with this program in my life and I hope you can utilize it to overcome your social ineptitudes and frustration.

The strategy that I speak of is utilizing social awkwardness to your advantage.

Getting back to the main idea of this guide, I will be providing you information about the Best Buy sales techniques and how my system can counter them at any point, thus totally reversing the hiarchy of the transaction. With my system you will not only be totally in control of your experience but you will be able to halt or quicken the pace of the conversation at any time.

Best Buy uses a system for selling merchandise called "CARE +". CARE + is a proven, strictly enforced procedure at every Best Buy store, which makes circumventing it much easier.

C is Contacting the customer. During the Contact phase the associate will ask you your name. They may place pamphlets for their service plan and credit card in your hand. They may mention the current financing they have available. They will tell you their name and that they are not on commission. The Contact phase seems like it will be short, but it is here that the sales person will demonstrate their assertiveness and set the pace for the whole transaction.

A is ask questions. There are obvious reasons for asking the customer questions, however they are also listening to find out any extra items that they may be able to sell you. It may seem that you are in charge of the transaction at this point, but I assure you that you are not.

R is recommend. The associate recommends you a product that will suit your needs, along with many many accessories, product service plans, financing, Internet Access, credit card programs, magazines, online music downloading programs, and NetFlix. This is the phase in which the associate will truely bully you and insist that you purchase these extra items. Best Buy makes very little money on things like computers but the markup on accessories is huge and services are basically free money for them. It is worth it to them to just not sell you what you want unless you buy all the other items. Since they don't care about you as a person, they have no problem making you wait or trying to scare or bully you into buying the extra items.

The final stage is E, encourage. During this stage you have made your decision to purchase the item and the associate will try to make you feel good about your purchase. If you have reached Encourage without buying any extra items do not be fooled. You will be approached by several other people and further pressured.

The + is the associate - their personality, the way they present themselves, etc. It's a thinly veiled ploy at making the associates feel like individuals when they are truely just cogs in the Best Buy selling machine.

Now that you are familiar with the tactics Best Buy will use on you, I will tell you about the tactic you will use on them to circumvent and nullfiy their hold over you as a customer. My program does not have a fancy anagram: it is simple to remember and simple to utilize. My program is called FULL BLOWN AIDS.

In practice, it's simple. Any time you feel threatened, uncomfortable, pushed around, or inconvienced, you simply bring up the fact that you have recently been diagnosed with FULL BLOWN AIDS. It is important to stress that your AIDS is FULL BLOWN. Put emphasis on the words FULL and BLOWN so the associate realizes that your time is short.

For instance, you typically would remain silent during the Contact phase of CARE +. Your new goal is to alert the associate immediately about the status of your AIDS infection. If the associate hands you pamphlets, drop them immediately on the floor. The associate will stop talking and pick them up. Explain to the associate that you have FULL BLOWN AIDS and you cannot touch anything because your immune system has been weakend. If the associate doesn't hand you anything, simply start making moaning noises.

If the Best Buy salesperson doesn't spend a lot of time contacting you and they haven't bothered you yet, there is no reason to begin using my strategy. If they begin asking you questions like "What brings you in to the computer department today?" answer with "Well, I'm writing a book about my final days with (pause briefely here for emphasis) FULL BLOWN AIDS and I need a computer to write it on. I don't have much time left, unfortunately, so I just need something to get me through this last year".

Most people at this point wouldn't bother you too much, however many Best Buy salespeople will push the issue but now you have made the situation so awkward for them that they will be unable to overcome your objections. A large part of the sales training at Best Buy is overcoming objections. With the AIDS card in play they will have a hard time justifying their persistence.

For instance, say they begin to pressure you about the service plan. The manufacturer's warranty is a year on computers. That's perfect for you, the AIDS will have totally finished you off by then. If they persue the issue and bring up the fact that the plan is transferrable, just tell them that the creditors will be taking all your belongings.

If they continue to hassle you, say rather loudly so other customers can hear "I have FULL BLOWN AIDS and I need to get home soon to take my AIDS MEDICINE. Please just sell me this item so I can go home - I'm starting to feel weak."

By now you get the point and can imagine how powerful a tool social awkwardness is. You can bring it into the transaction at any time and fluster the associate without being an asshole.

But what about the annoying bag check? You can avoid this inconvience by using social awkwardness as well. As you near the end of your checkout, answer your cellular phone. It doesn't matter that it didn't ring. It doesn't even matter if you don't have a cell phone. Just hold your hand up by your head. No one is going to question your behavior - you have FULL BLOWN AIDS. Say into your phone/hand rather loudly "WHAT? SHE'S DEAD? DEAD? DEAD?!!!!" then walk briskly out the door.

Congratulations. You have now gone into a hostile environment, purchased exactly what you wanted, and not been dominated or bullied into anything you do not wish to purchase. It is important that you arm yourself with knoweldge of what you need to purchase before you go to the store. If you leave without a cable you have no one to blame but yourself.