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In the last election, there was an uproar about voter disenfranchisement. There were accusations that minorities were kept away from the polls, or votes weren't counted. There is a much more widespread scourge of disenfranchisement that you never hear about.
I'm talking about the lazy and irresponsible being deprived of their voting rights. I fall into both of these categories, moreso irresponible. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely lazy, but this morning I was denied my vote on the grounds that I don't have a lease, bill, driver's license, or credible witness who can attest to where I live.
So I threw away my lease, so what? That's what irresponsible people do. I don't get utility bills; it's all handled online. Sure, I could've gotten my new address on my driver's license, but that would be a responsible and not lazy thing to do. The problem here isn't me, it's the fucking system.
Think of all the people out there who don't hold on to important documentation, or throw their mail away without looking at it, or frankly don't feel like getting off the couch to vote. There's got to be millions of us out there, getting our votes raped by a system that favors organized, responsible, not lazy people. It makes me fucking sick.
What can be done about this horrible problem? The first thing you'll probably think is "you could quit being so fucking lazy and irresponsible", but that's not a good answer. I am who I am, and asking me to change that is like double reverse racism times nine.
I have a better solution. There are many famous people who are apparently passionate about elections and voting. P. Diddly, Leonardo DiCaprio, Snoopy Dogg Dogg, Jay Z, and Ashton Kutcher come to mind immediately. Aside from donning and selling "Vote or Die" t-shirts and making public appearances, these celebrities are no doubt wondering "what else can I do to make sure people vote?" The answer is simple. They can go from door to door, business to business, gathering the votes of people who are too lazy or irresponsible to get to the polls with all the correct information. For example, as I sit here writing this, 50 Cents could pop his head around my cube wall and say "Hey Matt Herrick, who do you want to be president?" I would say "That one guy, the smarter one". 50 Cents would jot it down on his "VOTE OR DIE" stationary and move on to my lazy, apathetic co-workers.
Everyone wins with my new system. I don't have to get off my ass, my vote gets counted, and a celebrity feels like they made a difference. You may be wondering about corruption. Don't worry about it! We can trust celebrities!
