Do you spell your name with a K because you know it silently infurates me? In all seriousness, you are a beautiful man, a magnificant bastard. My loathing of you is trumped only by the respect I feel for your utter and total toadiness. A toadiness so complete and unfathomable you can't help but marvel at the brilliance of it.

Here is a man who's first political activity was stealing letterhead from a democratic candidate for treasurer and printing fliers on it offering free booze to as many dregs in the city as possible so they would show up and make a general ruckus.

Some 35 years later, not much has changed. The scale has just gotten bigger.

Karl Rove, you are a grotesquely beautiful man the likes of which the world has not seen since Niccolo Machiavelli. If what they say is true (and I'll bet it is) and you're behind everything from Swift Boat Veterans for Truth to Valarie Plum, you have my undying respect and loathing.

The best part is that you're all over the news. No one is talking about why Americans pay 55% more for health care than other developed nations. You are a master of the red herring, even when you don't mean to.

Of course Bush won't fire you. That's what makes it so perfect. You're his right hand man. You're the brains and he's the....whatever he is.